Job hunting sucks. No, really – it does. I am *almost* a Management/HRM graduate (four units to go and all electives) and have a back catalogue of skills, experience and qualities that I know is sought after by all sorts of employers … so why am I so far unsuccessful?!
To be honest, it’s beginning to depress me. I recently went from being gainfully employed, in a job I loved and suited, to sitting at home sending application after application in and obsessively checking my email for responses. And when I think about the time and effort I am putting in to these applications – the endless selection criteria, the rejigging of my CV in order to target specific jobs more effectively, not to mention the interviews and the mental and physical prep that goes into those – I’m starting to wonder what it is that I’m not doing right. It’s clear that the labour market in my area is seriously competitive; there is a veritable glut of line/middle management types who are in the same boat as me, which means each job I go for, I’m up against tens of people just as needy and skilled as I. I keep telling myself that this is how it works – supply and demand and all that jingo. But it doesn’t make the process any easier to work with.
I’m also going through a major internal conflict of interest. I have slogged away at university to get my undergrad qualifications and I know my value, so I am determined I am not going to take “just anything”. But this goes completely against my innate obligation to provide for my young family, contribute to the household income and take “just anything”. It helps that I have an unbelievably supportive partner, who is working two jobs (both of which he isn’t fond of) just to keep us floating and who encourages my position on holding out for ‘the one’. But every time he goes to work, whether it is on weekends (every weekend) or split-shifts, I feel my insides flip and I think how selfish I am being. I’m damn sure I’m not the only person out there that struggles with such a cognitive dissonance, but I’m fairly certain a lot of people would chose family over self in this situation, and I applaud them resoundingly then slink back into the shadows of self-worth (or ego as it’s commonly known).
On the plus side, I’m staying busy through this time; lots of reading and writing – if you already know me, then you’re aware that I have stories in the Literary Mix Tapes Eighty-Nine and Tiny Dancer short story anthologies, which is giving me plenty to concentrate on and a whole lot of pleasure. Unfortunately, the housework is rather neglected, however I am forcing myself to spend time doing the domestics – after all, I can’t afford to let the family down in that department after failing so miserably in the “providing for” stakes!
… I guess I’m at a point in this dog-forsaken journey, where I’m wondering what’s the point and what the hell am I doing … I would love to hear from anyone who has been, or is, in my shoes – did you get there in the end? Or did the destination simply turn out to be a mirage?
I, for one, am hoping that my perfect (solid!) outcome is just around the corner – till then, excuse me while I start another application.