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Hi there! I’m a twit. Nice to meet you.

Job hunting sucks. No, really – it does. I am *almost* a Management/HRM graduate (four units to go and all electives) and have a back catalogue of skills, experience and qualities that I know is sought after by all sorts of employers …  so why am I so far unsuccessful?!

To be honest, it’s beginning to depress me. I recently went from being gainfully employed, in a job I loved and suited, to sitting at home sending application after application in and obsessively checking my email for responses. And when I think about the time and effort I am putting in to these applications – the endless selection criteria, the rejigging of my CV in order to target specific jobs more effectively, not to mention the interviews and the mental and physical prep that goes into those  – I’m starting to wonder what it is that I’m not doing right. It’s clear that the labour market in my area is seriously competitive; there is a veritable glut of line/middle management types who are in the same boat as me, which means each job I go for, I’m up against tens of people just as needy and skilled as I. I keep telling myself that this is how it works – supply and demand and all that jingo. But it doesn’t make the process any easier to work with.

I’m also going through a major internal conflict of interest. I have slogged away at university to get my undergrad qualifications and I know my value, so I am determined I am not going to take “just anything”. But this goes completely against my innate obligation to provide for my young family, contribute to the household income and take “just anything”. It helps that I have an unbelievably supportive partner, who is working two jobs (both of which he isn’t fond of) just to keep us floating and who encourages my position on holding out for ‘the one’. But every time he goes to work, whether it is on weekends (every weekend) or split-shifts, I feel my insides flip and I think how selfish I am being. I’m damn sure I’m not the only person out there that struggles with such a cognitive dissonance, but I’m fairly certain a lot of people would chose family over self in this situation, and I applaud them resoundingly then slink back into the shadows of self-worth (or ego as it’s commonly known).

On the plus side, I’m staying busy through this time; lots of reading and writing – if you already know me, then you’re aware that I have stories in the Literary Mix Tapes Eighty-Nine and Tiny Dancer short story anthologies, which is giving me plenty to concentrate on and a whole lot of pleasure. Unfortunately, the housework is rather neglected, however I am forcing myself to spend time doing the domestics – after all, I can’t afford to let the family down in that department after failing so miserably in the “providing for” stakes!

… I guess I’m at a point in this dog-forsaken journey, where I’m wondering what’s the point and  what the hell am I doing … I would love to hear from anyone who has been, or is, in my shoes – did you get there in the end? Or did the destination simply turn out to be a mirage?

I, for one, am hoping that my perfect (solid!) outcome is just around the corner – till then, excuse me while I start another application.

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2 responses to “Hi there! I’m a twit. Nice to meet you.

  1. Oh Laura, you are so not alone.
    I have just graduated from my under graduate degree – after spending five years at home studying/running our business/being a mum/writing a book/editing – and now the pressure is on to get a job and make all my hard work pay for itself.
    Mind you, the pressure is not coming from my very, very supportive hubby (well, not directly anyway 🙂 ), the pressure is coming from mwah!
    I feel like I should put my dreams aside and go out and earn real money. The reason I landed the role of associate editor with LMT is because I asked Jodi to be a referee for me on another, totally unrelated, job application. I was so excited to get the role with Jodi, I actually forgot to apply for the other!!
    These things keep happening all the time, little coincidences that deter me from taking up gainful employment. I do try t reassure myself that it is all part of the grand plan (me becoming a wildly successful and adored YA author) but it is very, very hard to hold onto that belief when the bills pile up and the grocery budget appears to be shrinking month by month.
    All I can do is keep plugging away, apply for my dream jobs, and have faith that one of these days, it’ll all work out. Join me wont you, we can dream together 🙂

  2. Laura my sweet, you are not alone. Trust me on this. I have been there and done that, as you know, and it did in fact all work out in the end. I haven’t written one word since March, which is shocking and disappointing and all that stuff, but it’s there, and will still be there when I’m ready to put pen to paper again (or…fingers to keyboard…whatever!).
    You are not being selfish. I refused to take “just anything” when I finally finished uni. Of course I did end up in a job i hated for nine months but you know, just at the time when I felt I couldn’t handle it anymore, a fantastic opportunity opened up and I’ve been loving my new job for the last 18 months.
    Things will get better. You will reach those goals. You know you will. Have faith my beautiful friend and remember I’m always here and love you.

    Jacqui
    xoxoxoxoxox

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