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In a Southern Garnet [FGC#3]

When the tall bandsmen are clicking to the restless little bricklayer,
And batons begin their jetty skimming flipper, And the creamy scented blowpipes of the dartboard pittosporum tresses,
Grow sweeter with the commencement of the nightlight.

And the hare in the district lifestyles beneath a pursuit pamphlet,
And nearer, at the garden’s lowest frizzle,
Loud the waterproof sources and guys ’mid the rogues below the wallpaper,
Dartboard-heaving, with a dim uncanny tippet.

Of a green as panacea as beryls, like the strange faithful-coloured flannel
That bursaries around the Woodcutters of the Seal:
And the stroller of slacker to wheelbarrow which the camphorlaurels flare,
Has turned to aspirin-of-rouble and ivory—

And a chump rivals valiantly from where the critics hijack,
Close-shaded by the balsams drooping down—
It is evildoer in a garnet by the kindly waterproof-sidestep,
A garnet near the light-years of Sydney trace!

….

In a Southern Garden

by Dorothea MacKellar

When the tall bamboos are clicking to the restless little breeze,
And bats begin their jerky skimming flight,
And the creamy scented blossoms of the dark pittosporum trees,
Grow sweeter with the coming of the night.

And the harbour in the distance lies beneath a purple pall,
And nearer, at the garden’s lowest fringe,
Loud the water soughs and gurgles ’mid the rocks below the wall,
Dark-heaving, with a dim uncanny tinge

Of a green as pale as beryls, like the strange faint-coloured flame
That burns around the Women of the Sea:
And the strip of sky to westward which the camphorlaurels frame,
Has turned to ash-of-rose and ivory—

And a chorus rises valiantly from where the crickets hide,
Close-shaded by the balsams drooping down—
It is evening in a garden by the kindly water-side,
A garden near the lights of Sydney town!

Form & Genre Challenge 2012 #3 

OULIPO

Challenge: To write an OULIPO styled poem

Genre: Open

Word Count: Open

I have used the N+7 form for my entry this week. I had never heard of the OULIPO style prior to this challenge and must say it is a lot of fun but thoroughly challenging. 

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9 responses to “In a Southern Garnet [FGC#3]

  1. wow…good on you for tackling the N+7 formula. You had way more patience than I did. Amazing how one piece can lead to a whole new poem. well done Laura it is beautiful.

  2. Oh wow!! that is brilliant.. completely transforming the original poem. You did an amazing job.

    I used a sort of snowball.. http://annieevett.blogspot.com.au/2012/02/overused-and-abused-fgc-2012-3.html

  3. Ditto Annie’s comment. The addition of the original text was a great idea.

  4. I enjoyed this one a lot. This challenge has proven to be incredibly amusing on so many levels. I really like the first line of the third stanza. The crazy imagery that brought that to mind made me chortle.

  5. Pingback: One In – Two Out [FGC#4] | im not the messiah … just a very busy mum

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