Breaking Up Even [FGC#22]

“You awake? I was thinking if the sun stays out, we might take some sandwiches down to the park. You know – commune with nature, feed some ducks…”

“I’d rather not.”

“If it’s too windy, we could always go see a movie. Something dark and creepy – that’d be the perfect juxtaposition on a day like this”

“Rider – shut up.”

“Well what else is there to do? I’ve been cooped up all week assisting with the bloody Huxton trial. I deserve some fun.”

“Of you go then. Now shut up so I can sleep.”

“Aren’t you a little old for sleep-in’s June?”

“Aren’t you a little old for sandwiches in the park?”

“You can be such a bitch sometimes.”


“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. So it’s a yes for the park, or did you want to do something else? How about –”

“Rider! Please, will you just SHUT UP? I pulled four night shifts in a row this week and all you care about is fucking ducks!”

“I didn’t –”

“Whatever. Just please, let me sleep.”

“Whatever yourself. I’ll call Brad and Tammy and see if they want to come. They’re at least semi-human enough to want to do something with their weekends.”


“I bumped in to Tammy the other day in the mall. She’s lost weight, like a ton. But she’s not all saggy like some people who shift multiple KG’s and look like they’re wearing an XL sized Them Suit–”

“Jesus Rider!”

“What? And quit hogging all the doona. My feet are getting cold.”

“Have it.”

“Always the martyr, June. As I was saying, I ran into Tammy and we got talking about how busy you and Brad have been at the hospital. It got me thinking about how our lives have turned out.”

“I wish you’d think to yourself right now.”

“I mean, ten years ago, we were struggling just to pay our power bills each month. Now, we’ve got all this. We’re secure, we’re respected, we’re happy… We’re happy right June? We’re good?”


“And Tammy was saying how she’d started to notice things about Brad. Just little things at first. Like the nights he was on call, he’d come home smelling of perfume, or she’d call the hospital to see whether he’d want dinner when he got home and the nurses couldn’t remember seeing him on the wards.”

“What are you saying, Rider?”

“Here, you’re shivering. I’m not saying anything. In fact I told Tammy I thought it was a sign of just how hard Brad was working. You know — busting his arse to give her everything she wants.”

“Rider, I really am tired. Can’t we talk about –”

“But she got all funny about it and started to cry. I was pretty embarrassed to be honest. I kind of herded her into this little coffee shop and got her a double espresso.”

“You gave her caffeine to calm her down… nice one.”

“So anyway, long story short–”

“Thank god.”

“– I cleaned her up and told her she was over reacting.”

“Good. Now I’m going back to sleep.”

“And then last night –”

“Oh for fuck’s sake Rider!”

“You can hide under your pillow all you want, June.”


“Last night, as I was waiting for you to finish your shift, dinner on the table–”

“You mean Korean take-away and Cruisers on the coffee table.”

“– dinner on the table, I got thinking about what Tammy was saying.”

“That’s great Rider. Do continue. I wasn’t doing anything important here anyway. As usual, you’re free to carry on as if I’m completely invisible. As you were.”

“So who is it, June? Some fly-by-night surgeon, or a paramedic? Or are you fucking an orderly in the break room?”

“Really, Rider? You really want to do this now?”

“Well in my head I’d planned a nice brunch first, call it a Last Supper if you will, but yeah June, I really want to do this.”

“Okay then. It’s Brad.”

“What? But –”

“Yes. I’ve been seeing him for years now. It’s the only thing that’s kept me sane in this ridiculous marriage.”


“In fact, it started about a month after I first found you out.”


“I’m not an idiot, Rider.”

“Hang on a minute, June I—”

“You might have smarmed your way through a law degree, but that doesn’t mean you’re intelligent. I’ve known you’ve had your dick in just about every short skirted intern the firm’s had in ten years. I’ve known about Carly, Danielle, Skye and that other tart – what was her name – Yvette?”

“You fucking liar–”

“Come on Rider, who’s the one lying here? Why not tell it how it really was with Tammy. No need to lawyer it up for me. You were at lunch with her, because you’d had enough of your latest fling and wanted to move on. That’s why she was crying, Rider. Because you, with your oily hair and your oily words, had promised her the world then smashed through her dreams with your patented Don’t-Give-A-Fuck attitude.”

“You knew about Tammy?”

“Give me some credit, Rider. You’re easier to read than a ninty-nine cent erotica e-book. Now please, for the last time, shut the fuck up and leave.”

“But –”

“And give me back the fucking donna.”


6 responses to “Breaking Up Even [FGC#22]

  1. that was PURE gold…outstandingly ( yeah thats a word) excellent…

  2. This flowed nicely with a good differentiation between characters. And some good laugh out loud moments as well as some quite emotional moments.
    Adam B @revhappiness

  3. Pingback: F&GC #22 Dialogue Only Submission | Write Anything

  4. Best line line EVER. Beautifully constructed, love how it builds slowly then kapow! Nice job, well done 🙂

  5. Er – I mean best LAST line ever. Brain has been stomped on by the tax-prep trolls. Blerg.

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